Coldplay is AMAZING!!!

"Blessed are those whose strength is in You; who have set their hearts on the pilgrimage." Ps. 84:5 The pilgrimage it's talking about here is the one they took on their way to the temple. Their journey took them through the barren valley of Baca. Since Baca means "weeping" it may have been symbolic to the times of struggles and pain that people must go through on their way to meet God. Growing strong in God's presence is often preceded by a journey through barren places in our lives. The person who loves to spend time with God will see adversity as an opportunity to re-experience God's faithfulness.

Recently I have seen the wealth that American possess and the things we choose to spend it on in a different light. Our society has become so monetarily and possessions orientated...keeping up with the latest fashions and trends, buying the fastest-biggest-most expensive just because that's what we're told we "need". Having the things I have is not necessarily a sin.....a closet full of clothes, a cell phone, a good car, a pantry full of food (well half full anyway). God has obviously blessed our nation, and that in and of itself is nothing to be considered bad.  But it's our attitude about our possessions and what we spend this blessing on, that disturbs me.  In comparison to the majority of the world's population, even the lower American class is wealthy. Not being truly thankful for the things that God has given me isn't right. The question

The question I ask myself is "What kind of life style lends itself to naturally giving back to God the things that are already His?"

When one goes and ventures out to parts of our world that are in need, it is easy to be sacrificial when we dont have luxuries at hand.  But, how easy is it to be sacrificial when we are amidst abundance?  Where is my dependence upon God for the things in which I take for granted?  Why do I feel the need to stock up on items, such as clothes and food, that do not then require me to rely on God for?  Matt 6:30, "Now if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will He not much more clothe you, O you of little faith?"

So...as I feel that it is God's leading and direction in my life...
For the 30 days I am living on a very limited supply of the necessities. I am setting aside 30 days to live sacrificially.  I have a specific list of guidelines in which I am only allowed 5 changes of clothes, one or two meals a day (depending on the day) in which I have to eat only what I already have in stock, and I will spend an hour and a half in journaling and prayer each day....spending money will pretty much not exists, rather than for absolutely necessary expenses, and very limited cell phone usage.  I cannot go out to eat and cannot spend money on entertainment. This is going to be a trying and testing experience.... 

One example for my own life is Starbucks (coffee houses in general). I love to go and do my homework there, or meet someone there for accountability, or just to hang out. It costs maybe $2.50 for some coffee at places like this. What is $2.50 to us? Again, not a sin. However, for me personally, what I feel is  wrong, is that I don't even think twice about the 2.50. Several "coffees" in a month can add up pretty quickly.

So...I am very excited and kinda nervous about doing this...I want to separate myself from our society and erase the distractions that keep me from totally humbling myself before the Lord. 

This is my journey...my pilgrimage. At times it may be my "Baca", but I believe that God honors our desires for right living.

Currently Watching Law & Order - Special Victims Unit 2 see related

Five Weird Things About Me

So I got "tagged" and now I have to come up with 5 weird things about myself...

1. I have a strange need to make sure things are even...itch on one arm then i have to itch the other...pop fingers on one hand...have to pop the others...things always have to be centered.

2. I love...when guys are in that scruffy stage...when they don't shave for a couple days...but don't let it grow too much :)

3. I can't stand it when someone comes into a room when the door was shut and they leave it open. If the door was shut...shut it...if it was open...leave it open!! I don't know why that bothers me.

4. If I could...I would walk around in my towel all day long...I hate the process of picking out clothes everyday!

 5. All my pens always have to be ink end down. Otherwise the ink will all be at the wrong end of the pen....it just makes sense to me!!

Being Taken Under By The Ocean

When we were in Acapulco, Mexico this summer - we went to the beach for the weekend. One of the most fun things we did, and one of the most physically straining, was standing in the water and jumping the waves. After each wave crashed I'd count the heads around - making sure that everyone had come back up. There was at least 3-4 of us in the water at a time...someone if not all of us, were on the look out-- and we'd time our group jump to keep our heads above the water.

But every once-in-a-while, we'd have our backs to the ocean, talking... standing calmly in what seemed to be a respite from the pounding... and before anyone could warn us, we'd be overtaken by a tsunami that came out of nowhere. We'd be laughing, spitting out ocean water and usually trying to get all the sand out of our suits.

I love the ocean and I love to swim. But being lost under an ocean of water... it felt scary and it tasted bad, and what used to be fun became the battle of our scrawny selves against the entire ocean. After a while, muscles began to ache, the resolve to jump waned and the ocean always wins.

For these past couple of months I feel like I was standing with my back to the ocean and a tidal wave of grief, guilt, shame and disappointment overtook me. I don't know where it came from, except somewhere out there in the sea of my pain and suffering.

I thought I was stronger than this by now. I don't like being pulled under by these waves. Some days I just want to give up and let it take me out to sea. Lord, help me through this. Teach me how to live through this. I just tell myself - roll over on your back and float for a while..... In order to float I have to relax my body and I have to breathe. when I'm stronger, I can turn myself over and swim -- face the currents. sometimes life takes me under - my soul is raw and the pain returns in waves.

"Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted."
The thing about this "pain"...or whatever it is... is that I want someone to take it away or something to numb it away. Reality is... that no one or nothing can. I'm learning that the only way to the other side is through. I can't keep running away from it, hide from it or continue to avoid it.

The Lord knew that after I'd tried everything else, one day I'd give myself over to the reality of the circumstances -- the pain of my life-- and sadly, the reality of what I've made of my life. The emptiness of knowing that I cannot recover those lost years - all that time. He knew that ultimately I'd have to look straight into my guilt, failure and disappointment and stop avoiding it...and HIM.

I cannot walk Father, so help me crawl into your presence. My life can be a beautiful offering because my empty soul finds itself before the only One who can heal. Real comfort happens in the arms of God, the One who knows and understands and holds me in the pain.

Jesus said that in our pain and mourning, God is very close and we are blessed. Lord, help me lean on the truth of Your words.

Ps 56:8 says that God keeps our hears in a bottle. Father thank you, that you're close enough and You care enough to catch every one I shed.
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